The First Step

It’s not just because you follow me too. The problem with following you is that when I’m online and you are too, I see you posting and answering messages, I feel this urge to send a message to you too. And somehow, expect a reply which obviously does not always happen ‘cause if if it does then I wouldn’t be making this stupid post that you might (probably not) read.

So there, you’re online. I wasn’t able to fight the urge. I sent you a message. I have nothing.

Kapag inayawan ka ng taong mahal mo, hindi naman dapat bumababa ang tingin mo sa sarili mo diba? Masasaktan ka, malulungkot, madedepress. Pero dapat hindi magbago ang tingin mo sa sarili mo? Pero aminin mo, ganun at ganun pa rin ang iisipin mo. Mapapaisip ka kasi. Ano bang meron sa ibang tao na wala sayo? Ano bang meron ka na ayaw niya?

First training ko sa Megaclinic at medyo kinakabahan ako and I’m having second thoughts. But since wala naman akong ginagawa sa buhay, I would like to try. So kailangan kong lakasan ang loob at bigyan ng chance iyong clinic. Haha. Ako pa talaga ang magbibigay ng chance sa clinic eh no? 

Sa diagnostic center kasi ako assigned, sa XRAY tapos napapaisip ako kung may matutunan nga ba talaga ako? May matutunan ba ako na tutulong sa akin para maging mabuti at effective na nurse? Kapag umalis ba ako doon after three months, better nurse na ako? Namimiss ko na kasi ang hospital duty. Namimiss ko na magcharting. Namimiss ko na ang toxicity. Weird as it may seem, yes, I miss toxicity. 

Ang gulo ko rin no? Minsan, gusto ko iyong walang katoxic toxic na trabaho tapos ngayong mabibigyan ako ng magaang trabaho, naghahanap ako ng mas toxic. Kahit paano, I want something good for my career. I want something for my growth, for my development. Pero just like what I said, I’m going to give it a try. 

Good evening! :)

asc00207:

Gusto kong sabihin sa lahat ng taong mahalaga sa akin na ‘wag nila akong iwan. Pero wala naman akong karapatang manduhan sila sa gusto nilang mangyari, ‘di ba?

Gusto kong sabihin sa lahat ng taong namimiss ko na magpakita naman sila sakin. Pero  wala naman akong karapatang pilitin sila sa ayaw nilang gawin, ‘di ba?

(Source: sirseaweedbrain)

Three things that needs to be addressed in this story:

• The case itself

First we have to understand that this is a political process and is not only governed by law. Just like any place, politics is a drama. It is a show. Impeachment is as Juan Ponce Enrile once said is a lot different with what we know from the trial courts. It is not merely punishing someone for doing something wrong. It is not merely an act of finding fault from that person. It is finding enough reason for that person to be removed from position. Obviously, the case has revolved around the fact that CJ Corona is far richer than us. 82 dollar accounts! How lucky for him to have such. The question, however is that is having money beyond what we can imagine or expect a reason to believe that the person is corrupt? And having too much money is a proof that he has betrayed our, Filipinos, trust?

What has Corona exactly been doing? Was he, all this time, been corrupting money along with former president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo? Is being rich suddenly a crime? Or do we need to know the life story of Corona since he graduated from college and study his way up to the Supreme Court just so we could fully understand where he took all those money? Do we need to know every dime he got from his first job up to know? Every penny he spent and every money he saved? Do we have to know how he disciplined his kids on spending money on stupid things just for us to know that he and his family where actually saving a lot of money since time immemorial? Do we have to know how Mrs. Cynthia Corona has been budgeting their money all this time? Do we need to to know how he invested a lot of money so we could finally be convinced that he is not betraying public trust? People wanted him on that witness stand. People wanted to hear his voice, take that pledge and vow that he will tell the truth and nothing but the truth, and finally say, “I do not have those dollar accounts.”

If and only if, he does say those, would you believe him? What do you actually want to happen? Do you want to know the truth or do you want to prove that your belief that someone is corrupt is truthful in every sense?

• CJ Corona

Would it be safe to say that Corona was on the wrong position at the wrong time especially that he was friends with the wrong person? Or is it better to say that Corona is inside and out devil? That would save a lot of defending and explaining. 

CJ Corona was a midnight appointee of Congresswoman Arroyo. According to a lot of people, he, together with other midnight appointees were appointed for an evil reason. They were appointed for a reason only Arroyo knows. They were not appointed because they deserved those positions and earned them but because Arroyo needed eyes and hands in the government. 

Renato Corona was just Renato Corona before he became chief justice. According to our president Aquino, every midnight appointee will be observed. What happened to innocent until proven guilty? His name even became more sounding in our eyes and obnoxious in our noses when he ordered a temporary restraining order on the hold departure on Gloria Arroyo. Wait, actually, it was a decision from the Supreme Court, a collegiate body. And his name even more became popular when our righteous president started bullying him. What happened with the fight against bullying? 

Is he really the person the president wants us to think he is? Is he doing his job for the country or serving Arroyo? Is he helping this groping country or saving sickly Arroyo? Is he a son-of-a-bitch-taking-all-the-money-there-is-to-this-country or is he-the-father-investor-who-is-irritatingly-wise-and-goddamn-rich? 

Would the cards have changed if Arroyo appointed another man or woman for the position? Would the cards have changed if Aquino was not the president thereby removing the side comments? Would the cards have changed if still the president is Aquino but did not bully Corona? Would the cards have changed if Arroyo is not sick and did not need that TRO for the hold departure order? Would the cards have changed if people did not leak that so called evidence from anonymous about the dollar accounts? 

Was CJ Corona really at the wrong position given at the wrong time by the wrong person? Or he wanted this all along? And planned with the whole of the Arroyo clan?

• The mindset of the people

Was there ever a time that a person who was being impeached been judged by the majority of the people as innocent? Was there ever a time people actually stood by the rule that a person is innocent until proven guilty? Is it crab mentality? Is it the reason why we keep pulling someone down? Is it the reason why we always find faults in people especially the ones in position? Is it the lack of trust? Is it jealousy? Bitterness because of poverty? Or we, Filipinos, are simply at the lack of trust? 

When the rumor came out that Corona has 82 dollar accounts, we automatically thought, ‘What the f*ck? A lot of people are so poor and he is that rich? What kind of a servant to the Filipinos is he?” I never thought our politicians have to be as poor as we are for as to feel loved and cared for?

“What the f*ck? He’s so corrupt?” I never thought it is wrong for people to strive, work and save money?

‘What the f*ck? He got it the easy way?” I never thought people are not allowed to have business, investments, savings?

“What the f*ck? He’s so brilliant! He must have worked really good for those money! Must have been saving it for a better life!” Actually, nobody thought and looked at it that way. 

Honestly, what’s wrong with the world, momma? Kidding aside, if it really were true that he had that 82 dollar accounts, is it wrong for him to have those? Is it wrong for someone to have such money? Yes, the number is astounding. But aren’t we supposed to be asking how he got all those money instead of how much there is? However the amount is, corruption is corruption. The barangay captain who took 10,000 pesos from the money of the people is not better than the president who took the 10,000,000 pesos. It is still evil. The amount nor the number is not the issue. It all depends on how. 

When Corona suddenly felt a little weird in the witness stand, there were two observable reactions of the people, non-medical and medical people. The non-medical people thought, “Just another episode of the show.” The medical professionals thought, “Hypoglycemia is a simple problem. So easy to address. He didn’t need to move out. He needed a candy.”

Hypogycemia is a drop of blood sugar from the normal level. There could be a lot of causes for this situation. In the case of Corona, according to his lawyers, he didn’t eat nor drink. He was in a lot of stress which made him in need of a lot of sugar. Same reason why we have to eat when we take examinations. His body might not have been able to compensate or sources of sugar were no longer enough to answer to the need of his body.

Yes, hypoglycemia is an easy problem but it could affect consciousness. A person could feel dizziness, light headedness, cold, discomfort, and even nausea. A  person who feels these might not be able to think properly and could even be considered disoriented. Yes, it all needs is for him to eat a candy or drink coke but the discomfort is not easily swayed away by these food. We could have waited for him to finally be at full attention and like medical professionals say, “awake, alert, oriented.” We could have waited but the people at the Senate clinic probably decided he should take a rest and could be back tomorrow.

So what now? What is this lecture about hypoglycemia? It is possible that Corona went into hypoglycemia and became disoriented. For a person who doesn’t really know what’s happening to him, it could be frightening. Anxiety could have added to his condition and made it worse. But what? People never looked at it that way. People never even thought of the possibility that he wasn’t faking it. People never thought that he wasn’t doing it for a show. People immediately judged him to be faking it and making an excuse. Again, what’s wrong with the world, momma?

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Or so they say. It has been an observation by a lot of friends or even relatives. 

Nagsimula siguro noong grade 6 ako at sumali sa isang Quiz Bee o di kaya nung highschool at mabilang ako sa science section. Pati rin expectations sa akin ng mga tao, tumaas. At sabi nga ng mga tao, ayoko ng fail. Ayoko ng natatalo. Naiisip ko nalang na compensation iyon para hindi na pansinin ng mga tao ang mukha ko na hindi kagandahan. So I kept striving and striving. Iyon na rin ang rason siguro kung bakit napuno ng bitterness ang buhay ko ng makita ko ang mga kaibigan kong gumagawa na ng hakbang para sa career nila at ako ay wala pa. 

At ngayon nga, ang sa tingin ko ay pinakamalaking pagsubok sa buhay ko ang examination sa AFP. Actually, magpapalista palang naman ako at wala pang eksaktong araw ng eksaminasyon na iyon. May panahon pa akong mag-aral ng kahit konti. 

Eto na naman ako eh, pinepressure ko ang sarili ko. Wala namang pumipilit sa akin. At mas lalo namang walang sinasabing grade o score na dapat maabot. Pero ngayon palang, sinasabi ko na sa sarili ko na kailangan kung gumawa ng mabuti sa exam na iyon. Eeeh, pressuring myself.